My heart was in my mouth as I stood in front of the double doors that appeared to tower over me. Why did this always happen? I feel so small and yet, I'm the one that is able to stand here and feel this way. Somehow, that didn't seem fair.

The distinct smell is heartbreaking. Everywhere you turn is overwhelmed with prayers that choke me, until the tears are rolling down my cheek. They are so heavy on my face, as though a trail is being left behind for the next drop to follow. I cannot find the strength to stop their trail and so I let them fall to my chin and leap down to the polished floor beneath me. The shine creating a perfect reflection of my red and blotched face; I never was a pretty crier.

How can I face this now, after all that has happened? I know what Ashley would say; in fact, I know what Ashley would do. But I don’t care anymore- she can think whatever she likes- I don’t question her ideas and actions so I don’t see why I should suffer her interrogation.

At that thought I check my phone: Sarah I've just heard the news and I'm on my way. Don’t let this make you feel bad- it’s not your fault. Just wait for me- don’t go in on your own!

I can’t process the text, so I just close my eyes- cherishing the time I have alone before my friend arrives.