I bite my lip and stared out into the distant darkness. My toes twitched in my high ankle boots. I gulped back my nerves as Tulisa had told me to do and pulled my beanie further down my head. I'm doing my eigth performance on the X-Factor stage. I'm pumped with nerves... and completely excited.
The adrenalin has rushed from my head to my toes and is now bouncing like a ball through my body. Is this seriously happening?
Yes, I answer in my head, this is happening.
Everyone thinks I'm some sort of confident pro... I'm really not. I wet my pants if I'm scared for crying out loud! Do you seriously expect me to be some person whose like, "Oh yeah, perform in front of thousands of people and on TV's all over the country... no problem. I'm so not going to faint." Well, I think I might faint.
I grab my guitar and hold it like a life line as my heart beats go into over-drive. My head starts doing that weird thing when it feels like it's spinning on a merry-go-round.
This is not happening!
But as the lights begin to slowly turn up and the air smells of that one X-Factor stage... I think I might throw up.
Free, like your heart boucnes off of shining starlights. Free. Free. Sing, she told me, let your words be your line. Let your heart be your guide. Be free-ee.
I sing the last line and let the words echo off of my tongue, long after the music has finished. Incase you hadn't already guessed, the theme was 'Free'. I sung a song that I don't think anyone knows, called Free written by my friend, Jam J. Her real name is Josephine Jackson but we all nick-named her Jam when she started sing these funny songs as she went through the corridors and was always eating Jam. Yes, a mixture of 'jamming' and 'strawberry jam'.
I think she's been over the moon since I came on the X-Factor and sung her song Kiss Me On The Tower and it went straight to number 1.
I'm standing on the stage, lost in my own thought as the eruptive screams hit me like a tsunami. "Kim! Kim! Ki-im!" a chant has begun from the depths of the audience and I can't even consider containing my smile. Their words are so delicious.
"Kim!" says Louis, trying to grab my attention, which, he already has, but is more needing the attention of the crowd. They haven't shut up screaming my name.
Louis says somethings, and by the way he's leaning forward and shouting.... well, I think it's good but I'm more worried about him tipping over his water as he waves his arms. Nicole is next, her face has that seren glow. The pretty pussy (my newest nick-name for her) is too busy brushing her hair out of her face. In her opinion she is not going to try and yell over the crowd.
Noise quickly dies down.
"Oh my gosh Kim, that was like gorgeous. And may I just say: you rock that look!" I laugh and glance down at my scruffy trainers, thinking Nicole has lost her mind. I look like I'm going to the gym. I hated the ought fit but Miss know-it-all stylist said I looked perfect in it. I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not. The crowd have gone crazy and Nicoles words of 'help' are lost.
I'm on cloud nine, I lose Gary's comments to the ground as he gives me his nod and I say okay, thanks.
Tulisa, my fantastic mentor, is full of bubbling praise, so much so it bubbles over my head. And before I know it I'm off stage, being hugged by the other contestants and camera's thrust in my face... the night's not over yet.