The Night Sky

by
Love2write
+ like 15
  • Published:
    9 Sep 12
  • On 9 favourite lists
  • 1277 views
Blurb Star is a girl. Like all the rest. Except she isn't. Life has already fell apart for her. Her mother died of cancer a year ago, and now she's left to cope with her dad and two brothers'. When she unexpectedly comes across a man with a knife when she was walking down the alleyway, she doesn't know what to think of it. Instead of opening up, she's always kept things hidden. Just like the night sky. But can she keep this one a secret, or will it just come spilling out?
Approx 9 minutes to read


The Night Sky

1. Prologue

I'd heard it all before. The stories of how people - bad, bad people - tried to capture young children and take them away, but never would I have thought I'd experience it myself. Never. It all happened that one evening, when I was walking back from a friend's. I didn't think there was any harm in going down the alleyway - like I always did - but maybe that's where I went wrong. Badly wrong. I saw a shadow at the end, in the streetlight, followed by footsteps. I was going to carry on, assuming it was just a passing human - like always - but I don't know what changed my trail of thought. Maybe it was the fact that there was a van parked nearby, maybe it was the fact that there was no one about, or maybe it was the fact that I saw him draw something out of his pocket - something sharp - and all would know what that would be. A knife. My heart was pounding furiously, as hot sweat poured down my body. I didn't know what to do. I'd never had to think so hard in my life. But when I saw him turn the corner, on his way towards me, I had no option, but to run.

 

Comments (25)

  • HarrysPrincess07Wow, this is really good. Could you please critique my stories? I'd love to hear what you have to say about them. Keep it up.
  • angel2012I agree it is great and very interesting and a good lesson for all of us. It could happen to anyone/
  • Annie.GThis is great! You have built up the suspense so perfectly, creating the questions and tension needed to really make this a fabulous story! I love your characterisation, it is really strong and the narrative is very characterful! I am very engaged with your secure style, and your imagery is outstanding. Every scene you were recounted was so vivid and perfectly formed in my head. Nothing was left out!
    My only suggestion would be to develop her Dad and brothers more. I want to know what they look like, and smaller details. Also, when you talk of her reactions after her mother's death, that would be a good time to expand her family, by maybe recounting their reactions. Just things like, are her brothers older than her? How do the treat her: do they ignore her, are they friendly or disapproving. That's just what I want to know, because you have created them so well and I am hungry for every detail that can possibly be portrayed! Hehe, I'm picky... ;)
    When you were describing Star's reaction to her mother's death, and how she felt in the alley, that was truly amazing and so relatable. Such great stuff!!
    Liked and Favourited, as deserved, and please more soon! :)
    Love2writeThank you so much! I will edit it and add more detail, as you suggested! But Thanks again...it's very appreciated! ;)
  • bassonkidsIt's amazing!!

    Bassonkids x
    Love2writeGlad you liked it!! :D
  • PhenomiNiallTsunamiGreat end to the chapter! It leads mystery to what will happen next!
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