Nightmares

by
WriterMan
+ like 46
  • Published:
    4 Sep 12
  • On 38 favourite lists
  • 4947 views
Blurb Alexis Walters, a teenage girl is having trouble, when it comes to sleeping. But what's causing it?
Plot keywords:
alexis, nightmares
Category:
Mystery & Suspense
Rating:
Approx 17 minutes to read


Nightmares

1. My First Nightmare

Running, as fast as I could. That seemed to be the reccuring theme. Tall trees stood either side of me, looking down at my petrified body. I couldn't stop, I mean physically couldn't stop myself. My legs were like mechanic clockwork, constantly going backwards and forward, forcing me to keep going. What was I running away from? I turned my heavy head and looked over my shoulder. No one, nothing, just darkness. As soon as the trees, zipping past my side had passed they vanished. Was I running away from the darkness? What's there to be afraid of, I'm not scared of the dark? Then, as I turned my head back towards the way I was going, I realised that it was not what I was running away from that was the problem, It was what I was running to. A blue faced, dark eyed dog like animal was standing about a hundred  yards in front of  me, and I was closing in on him. His fur was perfectly brushed, a light blue colour, slightly darker than the sky. I tried as hard as I could to stop my legs from pressuring me onward, but they were stuck in gear six. There was no going back. I tried to turn, to avoid the wolf. But with the tall trees either side, this was near impossible.

Then, for some reason or another, my foot started to feel soggy, not damp like the sweat you get when your running at such a high speed. But properly soggy, like I had stepped in a puddle. Then I felt a trickle down my arm. As I looked at it, I saw black ink dribbling down from my shoulder. I removed my shirt. And on both arms, there were slits deep into my shoulders, and black blood was streaming out and leaving a trail behind me, like 'Hansel and Gretel'. I didn't feel any pain though, just wet.

I turned forward again to see my progress on the wolf. He was getting very near now. Close enough almost for me to feel his warm breath on my skin. Although he looked close, it seemed to take a lot more time to get to him as it would have in reality. The trees started to shake, and move thunderously. All of a sudden, the path behind me lit up, as apposed to the solemn darkness that possessed it before, like someone had switched a light on back there. But now the trees were starting to fall into where I was running. Keeping up behind me. Each tree landed with a great thud on the solid ground, and it was clear anyone who had been back there would have most certainly died.

A voice started moving along side me, a woman's voice, seemingly calm but fierce at the same time. "You have a black heart" it said over and over again, echoing through the forest and repeating itself like a teacher. It was said so much it started to hurt my head. It was drilling into my brain like a screw into the wall. My blood pressure started to rise and the constant flow of black blood kept seeping through my shoulders, but faster now. A stronger flow.

The voice died away just as I was about to hit the wolf. I closed my eyes and just let myself get carried into the furry beast. I was expecting some sort of collision. But I felt nothing, as if the wolf had just, vanished. Just as I was meant to collide into the wolf, I awoke.

 

Comments (156)

  • UndiscoveredBeautyYeah, but Bt DUBBs It's A-FREAKIN-MAZING!! Update soon!!
  • UndiscoveredBeautyAhh!! Oh my gosh!! UPDATE SOON PLEASE!! It's so intense and I have no idea what's coming next. Great story do far, update ASAP!!
  • MoFlow7Hey you should check out my fanfic about Louis Tomlinson called Coincidental Meeting! Thanks!
  • BethasrocksWOW is all I can say and update soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • さくら❀I would change "Just as I was meant to collide into the wolf, I awoke" to "Just as I was about to collide into the wolf." I'm not sure if that's a UK thing though XD If it is, don't worry about changing it. Same thing with the properly soggy thing, in the USA, soggy is when something gets saturated with moisture completely, like water, or cheerios in milk. We'd probably say "wet, or soaked" or something. I would create a new line with the "You have a black heart" in chapter 2. I would also change the google'd bit to "I quickly opened up my computer. According to Google, a black heart meant someone who didn't have any feelings, love, or compassion."
    Chapter 3, you suddenly switch tenses in the beginning with "It is a..". I would maintain past tense throughout that paragraph, just for unity. "In other words, My father, tomorrow" I would change to "In other words, my father, tomorrow."
    Chapter 4 nothing really for this. Great chapter.
    Chapter 5 - I'd change sodden to soddened (past tense). Maybe (just a stylistic thing) change that sentence to be "My face soddened with tears, tears so wet that my cheeks actually felt soggy." Strong use of anadiplosis.
    Chapter 6- so exciting!! I want more!
    OK. This is really gripping and haunting. The image of black blood spilling out and the call of "You have a black heart" is really creepy, not to mention the fact that she's being stalked by the wolf and her father dies, but she figures it out ahead of time. Fascinating. Sometimes you lapse into slang-like synstax (the "meant to" bit), but that can really just be attributed to your character's voice, which is fine. I really like this, and would encourage you to revisit it and finish it :)
    WriterManThank you so much for taking time to read this and pass on advice. i will be making the changes you have suggested tomorrow. And hopefully after my poetry project... this will be next on my list of things to do! :)
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