1. The discovery
Dear unborn child,
I remember the day I found out about you. Yesterday night. I had stayed up till 2 o'clock in the morning to make sure that my parents and Jake were asleep. They couldn't know. Imagine how upset they would be if they found out that their perfect little Miranda, a straight- a student, popular at school, pretty- had gotten pregnant.
No, I couldn't tell them. I remember sneaking into the bathroom, holding the little cardboard box in my hand. This box meant everything to me. It would reveal my future.
I remember that evening, where i drove out to the drugstore to find the little box. When i placed it on the checkout counter, i kept my head down, and didnt look the cashier in the eye. I couldnt. I guess you could say i was ashamed. This wasnt supposed to be happening to me. I was supposed to be the good girl, never getting in to trouble.
Carefully, I opened up the box and removed the little plastic stick, placing the instruction manual on the counter near the sink. I flipped through the instructions, not really taking time to read all the warnings and such, and finally decided I would have to go through with it.
After completing the steps shown in the instructions, I set the device on the counter and nervously waited.
I tapped my feet on the floor, impatient. This whole thing seemed unnecessary to me. I had only had sex with Derek once, after all, and he had been wearing a condom... Although it did break, he pulled out, so I thought we should be fine. Still, I had missed my period twice since then. The first time I dismissed it; I only just got my period a year or so ago, and it wasn't consistent yet. But two times... I mean, there's no way that could be a coincidence.
I check my watch. There's still two minutes left until the result will be ready. I pray to god that I'm not pregnant, cross my fingers and shut my eyes tight. My parents will be so angry if they find out their daughter is pregnant. No, not angry... That's not the right word. Disappointed. They'll be disappointed. And ashamed of me. Ashamed that their daughter has done something so wrong. They're very religious, after all, and in their eyes, pre-marital sex is probably the worst thing I could have done. Plus, they don't really like Derek...
Derek. I wonder what he'd think if it turned out I was pregnant. He's told me he loves me, but sometimes he can be so...unpredictable. And he can get mad at me over silly little things, like when I put his car keys back in the "wrong" spot after borrowing his car. Still, being Derek's girlfriend is definitely good for my social status- he's probably the most popular boy at our school. He has everything- looks, money... He's the captain of the football team at our school, and all the girls I know like him. Especially Tay... She never really did get over him. But anyway, he's great most of the time. He buys me things and makes me feel like I'm the only thing that matters in his world. Plus he's hot- there's no doubt in that, he always looks amazing. He's got a perfect body, with great abs, and perfect brown hair that curls out a bit at the end. His eyes are beautiful, too- blue, like the ocean. Yet somehow... I don't love him. I like him, of course, and I do want to be with him, but when he says he loves me, I can't find the words to say it back.
I looked over at the device and see the test is ready. I closed my eyes tight and clenched my fists, saying a silent prayer: please god, don't let me be pregnant. Please god please god please god. When I open my eyes, I took a deep breath and looked at the device, saw three tiny letters spelling out the word "yes", and a plus sign next to it. Positive.
I'm pregnant. There's no way to describe how I felt right then. My stomach dropped, and I felt sick. That was by far the worst moment of my life. I didn't cry, though, didn't scream- I was to shocked to do anything but sit there for a couple of minutes. I'm pregnant. I'm going to have a baby. That's all I could think. Then, finally, I came to my senses. I picked up the device, the instructions, the box. I walked back to my room, threw them in my trash can.
That night , I lay in bed for a long time, thinking. Figuring out what to do. And after a while, I made a decision. I wasn't telling anyone I was pregnant. Especially not Derek.