The light

by
Diego<3
  • Published:
    4 Aug 12
  • On 1 favourite lists
  • 720 views
Blurb Just read XD - for competition. Please like/fave if you can. I'd admire it :)
No keywords
Category:
Poetry
Rating:
Approx 1 minutes to read


The light

1. The light

The light shines through,

Blinding, shattering, to you,

Your eyes wince, your eyes close,

But then you find your way,

Blinding, shattering, it's through;

 

Closing the gap, through and through,

Eventually you see no more.

Eventually your eyes open widely,

Dark, nothing, no guidance for you,

Then a noise jumps fear into you.

 

A thump, a creak, an opening door,

Heart racing, you don't understand;

The hand reaches out and runs down you,

Then it leaves, only a trail of sweat left behind;

A thump, a creak, an opening door.

 

 

 

 

Comments (26)

  • Genny LawrenceCreepy poem, but that's a good thing. I personally like creepy things. They make life more interesting. Could you read my entry for the contest 'Fixed to be Broken'? You're quite popular on this site so I would love your opinion.
    Diego<3Haha thanks :D Popular? In real life that is a fantasy. At least I'm popular somewhere haha!
  • wagonwheels12This is really good :D
  • moomin98A fantastic eerie theme, Lia, that yet again you have pulled off brilliantly. The imagery and use of repetition is great and adds to the overall atmosphere of the piece. I have a bit of constructive criticism (you know me!) but it is tiny and I think you can rectify it if you want to.
    Grammatically, this could be good but the use of commas is a little over the top and it sometimes distracts the flow of the piece. Don't worry, it happens to all of us. My tips for you is to read the poem out-loud to yourself and when you feel the need for a pause, place a comma/full-stop/collon/whatever there. Trust me, it helps because I do it all the time with stuff. Don't forget those full-stops at the end of stanzas, unless you are continuing the flow of a stanza onto the next. Anyway, I hope that this helps. Thanks for commenting on mine :D
    Diego<3ok :p
    Diego<3THANK YOU ;C
  • i-am-vampireoooh, scary, please could you check out my movella 'The Last Time?' Much appreciated. ;-D has a lot of mystery and is one of those poems that you have to think about before understanding, well done :)
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