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I saw

by
Diego<3
+ like 8
  • Published:
    27 Jul 12
  • On 2 favourite lists
  • 781 views
Blurb CC REALLY REALLY REALLY WANTED XD
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Category:
Other
Rating:
Approx 2 minutes to read


I saw

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1. prologue

Eyes as open as an owls, my vision watches you. You run away often but I always find you don't I? And that is the reason as to why I saw you committing terrors that night.

Terrors I say.

Your blonde hair hides you, your blue eyes make you loved. But I know the truth behind that cute grin of yours. The truth is that you are someone I am going to get revenge upon, I am going to amputate that head of yours with fury. A knife or axe, I don't care but I promise you that I will destroy you piece by piece after what you did.

You filthy piece of what comes out of a female dogs bottom.

I will get revenge.

 

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Comments (22)

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  • moomin98Alright, I'll CC this is 3 parts, starting with the prologue:
    Well done, I've enjoyed this so far. You always create such a vivid and fantastic setting for the reader. I would say that it's one of your strong points and it something that I pick up on when I read your remarkable movellas. You are awesome, dudette. :D
    The voice that comes out here is certainly menacing, but this stops in points and I will explain where later. Techincally, this needs a little bit of work and here is how:
    1. "open as an owls". This should read "open as an owl's"
    2. My vision watches you doesn't really make sense. It could be "my vision always upon you".
    3. "I always find you don't I?". This should be "I always find you, don't I?"
    4. "Terrors I say". This should be "Terrors, I say".
    Also, the second to last line takes away the atmospheric tone so well. Don't be afraid to use a swear word in your writing. Not using it excessively is OK. Trust me, I never swear ANYWHERE outside my writing, so I think it's alright if you use one for the sake of your artistic creativeness. I'm sure that you want your voice to be angered by some crime that the person is accusing some one else of doing, so I think that strong language good be used here. If you are cool with it.
    I will be critiquing the next two chapters later, if you like. Sorry if it bugs you, me being picky. You're awesome, Lia. Keep writing. :D
    Diego<3Thank you so much but I think that My vision watches you is like my sight watches you so I think it makes sense but apart from that this is good cc, thanks SO much :)
  • ♣Jess-ter♣Heyy didn't know how to get to you but I was wondering if you wanted to co-author with me on a movella?? I don't mind what genre but I had an idea of mabe somthing light and funny or mabe just a simple one of our writing tips combined and we can add other authors aswell??? You were the first person I thought of to answer back ASAP. What do ya think????
    Jester :Dx
    Diego<3I am REALLY sorry but I am currently handling so many different co-authors at once that it seems like a struggle sorry :(
    ♣Jess-ter♣P.S this Movella is really good so far! I love it when the air talks, original. I love it :D Mabe a touch more background information? but you can always bring that in later!! XD
    Jester :Dx
    ♣Jess-ter♣Oh it's alright about the co authors I'll just make it my self. Thx anyway
    Diego<3thanks and sorry
  • ImogenOliviaPearlReally good! One thing, Aliah can be shortened to Lia, right? I mean, it has Lia in it. And the character sounds very familiar to your picture and description of yourself, maybe a bit of autobiography in there? Just wondering... Great though :)
    Diego<3Not really... lots of names have lia in them as well as countries and words and just because she looks similar doesn't mean she is. And her name is pronounce A- lie -ah so has different pronounciation :P but thanks anyway
  • wagonwheels12Really great start, want to know more! :)
    Diego<3ok :)
  • Peace & DonutsOmg more I wanna kno what happens!!!!!!! :)
    Diego<3thankies
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