Serenital

by
stevie14
  • Published:
    26 Jul 12
  • On 4 favourite lists
  • 2056 views
Blurb Once Serenital was a beautiful world with many unique and amazing inhabitants. That was until the Crystal War. There were few survivors and those that did live have hidden under the surface, never to return to the above world. But an illness is sweeping the survivors and without help there won't be much hope for the former people of Serenital. Elissa decides it is down to her as the last remaining Seren Princess to return to the surface and save the fate of her people.
No keywords
Category:
Fantasy
Rating:
Approx 30 minutes to read


Serenital

1. Chapter 1

"Elissa! Elissa!"

Erix looked at me as I called upon the Serenities.

"Elissa, it's almost time for  the Dawn Break Ceremony. You have to go back soon or your mother will be furious."

I shrugged.

"This'll teach her to never let me have the freedom I deserve."

Erix lowered his eyes, the disappointment etched all over his face.

I didn't know I would pay for my selfishness.

___________________________________________________________________________________

"Princess, wake up. Your healing powers are needed."

My eyes instantly snapped open and I became the leader in a matter of seconds.

"Who else fell ill overnight?"

The warrior looked at me with pain filled eyes. "Seven. Including the young prophet."

My breath caught in my throat.

"Felicia is ill? How far has the sickness gone?"

The warrior sighed. "Too early to tell. I wouldn't have grieved you with this information, but I thought you should know."

I nodded. "I should always be informed of the ill. Just know that when it comes to family you should never hesitate to tell me."

I called upon the Ancient power of Serenital and asked that I be blessed with their healing today. The power responded to me instantly and I felt the rush of energy flow through me.

"Thanos I must see to my sister first. If we lose her we will be blind to the goings on above."

The warrior nodded and I hastily made my way to my families chambers.

I pushed the curtain aside and basically flew across the room to where my sister lay.

I knelt down and held her hand which was clammy and limp.

"Felicia, how do you feel?"

The little prophet coughed and opened her eyes.

"Elissa you came to me first. What about the other injured? I can see, they are in far worse shape than I."

I sighed. My sister was so young and she already had such a burden. From the moment she was born she had been gifted with the sight, which although made her blind to everyday life allowed her to see the future.

"Of course I came to you sister. We need you to survive. You are our eyes and ears in this dark age."

Felicia shook. "I will not make it Elissa."

I shook my head. "Don't say that. We are the last of our family and we can't give up now."

Felicia smiled. "I have seen it Elissa. I will not see to the end of this week. You are to be the last of the Seren bloodline."

"I'm going to start your healing so don't worry if you feel anything weird."

"Don't!" Felicia's voice quivered in fear. "My body will reject the healing and it will only hasten my death."

I didn't question her.

"What am I supposed to do then?"

Felicia's body became rigid and she tightened her grip on my hand. I realised a vision was about to be told.

"The end of the Dark Age will soon come. The remaining of the bloodline will finally step up and fulfill her duties and make up for what she did that day. She will return to the upper land and bring peace back to the world of Serenital."

Felicia relaxed and her wide unseeing eyes sought my face.

"What did I say?"

I smiled weakly. "You said there's a small chance you'll make it through the week, but for now I must aid the other ill."

Felicia nodded.

"Good luck Elissa. I believe in you."

I got up and walked out the room, not thinking for a second the little prophet had believed what I had said.

 

 

 

Comments (18)

  • AutumnFyreWhy have I not looked at this yet? I am one of your biggest fans!! I love all their names by the way - that is what I also like about your writing, no boring names. Your blurb and cover caught my eye so good job on that as well. I also like how you don't need massive, fancy words to keep your audience enthralled with your writing (although you do use great vocabulary) and that is still something I need to learn - that big words does not mean better. Be careful about starting too many sentences with I, which I know is hard seeing as your are using the perspective that needs I. Your sentence structure is varied and I love your short sentences that keep the drama going - great job! :-D
    Please can you have a look at my story "Poppy Love" as I would love to know what you think!
    stevie14erghh the 'i' thing is so difficult to avoid :') but thanks and yeah sure i will
    AutumnFyreI know right?! I dread to think how long I have spent changing the beginning of my sentences to avoid that! But thanks can't wait for your comment! :-)
  • ChocoholichammyYes!!!!!!!!!!! Another chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please???
  • Lou :3I like this very much so far, I did notice a few things. First off, you have a lot of dialogue, some more description or action would give it a better flow. Also, I noticed how, in the beginning, you have the princess describe her sister's visions to the sister. I would, instead of repeating the vision that the readers already 'saw' the first time, just write something like "As I repeated the vision for my sister, her face tensed. The words, although spoken by her, held no meaning." Or something like that, if you see what I mean, just put in some emotion or description, rather than describing what we already know. Other than that I really like it. The story is solid and the suspense is building steadily, I'm curious to read more.

    Lou :3
    stevie14okay thanks, yeah that makes sense :) i'll go back over it
    Lou :3I hope it was helpful, and not too critical. :)
  • Y. Nirvana I have really enjoyed this so far! I think that this piece would benefit from some more description, though, because I couldn't really picture how the characters look. Faved! If you have time, would you mind giving me some feedback on my piece, 'Oraca'? I would really appreciate it :)
    stevie14okay will do :) thanks for the feedback, i'm really not good at description :')
  • StefanieAHahah both our stories are about Princesses :) Except mine is different a little :P
    stevie14:) i'll check it out :)
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