Elavania

by
♥MiaFlora♥
  • Published:
    20 Jul 12
  • On 0 favourite lists
  • 590 views
Blurb Elavania is a young witch living in the world of the other side. In the other side there are witches, werewolves, vampires, dragons and many other creature but no humans. There is something special about Elavania she has a destiny to save he world. What happens when a young girl suddenly arrives at the other side not remembering who she was and how she got here for the fantasy competition.
Plot keywords:
fantasy
Category:
Fantasy
Rating:
Approx 1 minutes to read


Elavania

1. Prologue

The young girl looked up at the stars shining brightly compared to the dull midnight black sky. When a bright star fell coming closer and closer and falling near the girl's back garden. She tip toed her way out of her parents room and ran downstairs trying not to make a noise. She found the keys under the flower pot and turned the key.

She opened the door and was welcomed by a breeze of the wind. She looked outside and saw nothing but the star outside. She put on her black boots and ran outside to her garden. Her heart beated and she walked slowly to the star and found out it wasn't a star at all but a silver circle thing. She picked it up and started shaking it.

Suddenly she felt like her world was turning around and around. She suddenly felt very dizzy and fell down on the orange-red leaves. When she woke up she stood up amazed where was her house?. She picked the circle thing and put it on her hand. She looked at herself and laughed when she saw her pyjamas were replaced with a blue dress and jacket. She tugged her hair and let her red hair loose. Her pale fingers tingled with excitement. She walked around a smile on her face. Where was she how did she get there?.

 

Comments (6)

  • The Midnight SunI agree with Inkball Press, I have spotted quite a few grammar mistakes and you should vary sentence starters. Also you said she found the key under the flower pot to get outside! Do they have indoor plants? Also what is the point in having a key under a folwerpot on the inside? I don't understand! :S Still, I'm sure if you just alter those few things it will be a great movella! Good luck! XD
  • Inkball :DThis is a great start; I can tell this is going to be a gripping read! However, you keep starting sentences with 'she' so many times and it makes it sound... well, no offence, but it makes it sound a bit childish? Also, the last bit has a punctuation mistake: where was she how did she get there. It should have a question mark at the end of she and also at the end of there, like this: Where was she? How did she get there? Sorry, but your grammar and punctuation need improving. Apart from those points, a great read! Could you please take the time, if you can, to read my entry: The Lioness and the Squirrel? Thanks!
    Inkball :DAlso, you put: where was her house. You need a question mark!
    ♥MiaFlora♥ok thank you and of course
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