Two minds, one soul

by
Little miss punk
  • Published:
    19 Jul 12
  • On 0 favourite lists
  • 3229 views
Blurb You don't chose a dragon a dragon choses you and once you have been chosen your are bound to your dragon for life. Only the witches who are still one with the old ways are chosen. They came from a distant world and they have taken over; the only ones who can stop then are the dragon riders so they belive if they find out why they are chosen they can. Morgan is one of those witches and one night she is and a friend are both taken. One night they try to make their escape but things don't go to plan.
Approx 30 minutes to read


Two minds, one soul

1. Taken

 

"Bree, I'm going for a walk"

"But it dangerous"

"I'll be fine"

"Thats what your brother said"

"At least take Gabe with you"

 

"Why"

"Please, Morgan for me"

"Where is he"

"Outside"

"Bye"

"Stay safe and keep to the paths"

"Why don't you take a long walk of a short peer"

"Morgan; I'm serious"

"So am I"

 

"Morgan!"

"Don't you want to know where I'm going"

"Where is that"

"Oh just the usual skinny dipping might take Gavin too"

 

 

She looks like she wants to rip my head of but she's lived with me long enough to be able to control her temper but Gavin is her boy friend. We all live toghther me, her, gavin and my boy friend gaberielle or Gabe as we all call him; it is dangerous but she goes out on her own at night all the time.

 

"It was a joke"

"Not a very funny one"

"Can't you take a joke"

"I live with you don't I"

 

"Ha ha very funny"

"Yup"

"I have to go bye"

"Hurry back"

 

I hate it when she treats me like a kid, its not like its more likely for something bad to happen to me than to any other girl. She only trearts me like this because I have always been so small and fragile looking but I can take care of my self  Gabe is sitting out sider gazing up at the night sky, I haven't seen him looks this peacefull since before they came and took over.  They had said they were here in peace but they took over and know they hunt for dragon riders, the only people who can stop them or so they say.

 

Bree told me that at one time it was common to see a dragon with a rider but she is only two years older than me so that wasn't in her life time or mine. I wish I could see a dragon, they are suposed to be beautiful creatures; firece, dangerous but kind, reliable and fiercly loyal to their riders. It used to be a great honuor to be a dragon rider but kmow it is one of the mot dangerous thing to be.

 

"Hey Gabe; I'm going for a walk want to come"

"Did Bree tell you to take me"

"Maybe"

 

"Morgan"

"Fine; lets go"

"Fine"

 

We are silent as we start to walk and as hard as I try I just can't relax; I feel like some one or some thing is following us.  We're of the path but whats the worse that can happen, we're headed toward the old park which probably isn't a good idea. My heart starts to beat faster and faster in my chest and all of my insticts are tellinng me to run but theres no one else here. We get to the park so I don't feel any better but Gabe doesn't look worried so I guess it must be all right.

 

I can't shake the feeling that some thing bad is going to happen but I just don't know what, I have been listening to Bree to much. I'm sure I can hear voices but I can't hear what they're saying; some one grabs me from behind and I smell a sweet smell before I fade to darkness.

 

Comments (3)

  • Inkball :DJust read the first chapter. A great start- you have explained the characters and setting very well. However, the dialogue is confusing- it would be much better if you actually said which character was saying what, and added some description of how they were saying it and how they were acting as they said it. For instance: "but it's dangerous," Bree said, an anxious look on her face. See? You also have a few grammar mistakes, but other than that, lovely start. And if you have time, can you take a read of my entry, The Lioness and the Squirrel? Thanks. :)
  • Elizabeth HaleI love the idea of a dragon choosing you, its kind of... sentimental.... if that is the right word. I do think that there is a lot of dialouge, which is a bit confusing, and it would be helpfulto start out knowing your characters, which can be expressed through dialouge. Run through the piece and check over for the grammatical issues, including 'boy friend'. Is that a boyfriend or a guy friend? It is unclear. Hoping to read more :)
  • ravenouswriterA couple of grammatical errors which really stand out, a lot of dialogue. Overall pretty good but I'd recommend a little more thematic layout and description
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