She's Not Ashamed To Cry For An Unknown

by
LittleMsHollywood
  • Published:
    29 Jun 12
  • On 3 favourite lists
  • 1137 views
Blurb I'm not what you first think. I'm not this ultra-pale goth girl with a wall covered in Emo band posters. I don't really like vampires, nor do I want a piercing. I certainly don't want to be a star for the fame. I only say I do, because I don't want to be different. Different people stay alone. The real me is a very different, mixed-up girl. She's a modern girl, with a wall covered in 80's and 90's posters. She's proud to say that she doesn't care about Twilight, or that she's proud of her undecorated skin. She does want to be a star, but only so she can be close to her love, who she never met and she knows she never will. The real me must stay hidden at all costs. Even the cost of my life.

Plot keywords:
pride,  desire,  hidden,  goth,  faker,  acceptance
Category:
Diary
Approx 9 minutes to read

She's Not Ashamed To Cry For An Unknown

1. Hiding The Favourites

Monday, 25th June, 2012

Sunlight has to be one of the worst things in the world.

I'm not just saying it because I'm supposed to be the gothic princess of darkness, it's because I have to hide the things I love during the day. I throw off my skeleton duvet (it's too hard to change it every morning and night, so I stick with it, even though it gave me a few nightmares) and brush off my favourite lilac t-shirt and shorts (my real favourite ones, not the black and red set with "Bitten By Dracula" on them, that I say are my favourites) before beginning my usual "Tuck away your likes" routine before school. I start by unfolding my darker posters from above my 1980's and 1990's ones, and pinning them directly over the edges. Next, the collection of Jackson siblings albums(both Michael and Janet) get wrapped carefully in tissue paper and stored in a drawer with the rest of my forbidden favourites. Such as the red skinny jeans I bought in secret, a double-duvet cover with a photo of the Empire State building on it that I'm saving until I move out. My pink and red lipsticks are arranged in a flower design, and my most loved thing of all, a photograph from 1983.

"And you bother doing all this because..." My identical twin brother, Daniel asks, lounging in my bedroom doorway.

"Because you know how often my friends come over. And how long have you been standing there?" I reply.

"Long enough to notice that you're a total sexy beast." He gives me this cheeky wink, making me laugh.

"We look almost exactly alike, you moron." I reply, as it's true. We've always had the same mint-green eyes, heart-shaped face and honey-blonde hair. The only difference is that my hair goes down to my waist, and his doesn't.

"You know me too well. Anyway, change the subject, Merry Christmas." He slaps down a lilac book on my bed.

"And a Happy New Year, except it's June." I reply, picking up the book and flicking through it; hoping to discover the next book in the Strange Angels series (look it up, it's amazing), but I was disappointed to find it was completely empty. "And you gave me a blank notebook because..." I ask, putting it down again.

"English assignment is to write a completely true diary. I got two for a pound in Poundland, so I thought I'd give you a hand." Daniel explains. I didn't go to english yesterday, as I had to get my braces done.

"Thanks, and get out." I reply, much to his surprise.

"Jesus Christ, I'm your twin brother." He sits down on my bed and leisurely leans back.

"I don't care, just get the hell out." I pick up this cushion that one of my goth friends got for my 13th birthday (a right of passage in the eyes of goths) that's shaped like a coffin and threw it at him with all my might.

"I'm going, I'm going. No need for you to be so vic- Oi!" I throw it at him again as he leaves, just because I can.

Shutting the door behind him, I take out my goth-ed version of my school uniform (white polo shirt, around 50 badges with assorted "Bite Me" style messages pinned to my jumper, black skirt with 3 inches lopped off the fraying edge, small-hole fishnet tights, black stockings underneath them, and black ballet flats, all of which I hate with a passion, as I look like a total tart) and changed into it.

After I changed and brushed my hair into reasonable submission, I turned to see Daniel back in the doorway.

"One of these days you're going to regret just barging in like this." I threatened him, running a comb through my hair.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, do you know what the date today is?" He asked.

"The 1st of Buyacalendar." I replied.

"Very funny, just thought I'd let you know that your lover died exactly 3 years ago today." He's so sarcastic that I want to punch him sometimes.

"He's not my lover. I never got to meet him, he's dead, and there's a 35-year age gap between us. So you must have a very dirty mind to think of him as my lover." I really, really, hate when my brother acts like this. There's nothing wrong with loving Michael Jackson's music. As long as nobody finds out, that is.

"Ok, ok, don't be so aggressive. And you're gonna be late." He dashes off downstairs before I could punch him, as I would really like to now.

 

Comments (3)

  • Enya Sanders Just to remind you of the official Brace lyrics for you to sing in between all your groaning ;)

    Hold my hand, feel the touch of your body cling to mine
    You and me, makin’ love all the way through another night
    I remember you and I walking though the park at night
    Kiss and touch, nothing much, let it blow just touch and go

    Love me more, never leave me alone by house of love
    People talk, people say what we have is just a game
    Oh, I’ll never let you go, come here girl
    Just got to make sweet love ‘til the break of dawn

    [Chorus]
    I don’t want the sun to shine I wanna make love
    Just this magic in your eyes and in my heart
    I don’t know what I’m gonna do I can’t stop lovin’ you
    I won’t stop ‘til break of dawn makin’ love

    Hold my hand, feel the sweat, yes you’ve got me nervous yet
    Let me groove, let me soothe, let me take you on a cruise
    There’s imagination I bet you've never been there before
    Have you ever wanted to dream about those places you’ve never know

    Break of dawn, there’s no sun up in the sky
    Break of dawn, I can see it in your eyes
    Break of dawn, girl you got to understand
    It’s the way that I love you, let me show you I’m your man
    Break of dawn

    [Chorus x 2]

    Let’s not wait, the sun is out, let’s get up and let’s get out
    It’s the day, a brand new day, let’s both go outside and play
    Let us walk down the park, makin’ love ‘til it’s dark
    Let me move, let me soothe, ‘til the break of dawn and you know it’s true, oh

    [Chorus x 3]
  • Peace & DonutsThis is very good, a great start :) can't wait to read more!!
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