My life was perfect. I had my girlfriend, my family, my Heartbeats and an unimaginable career. Three years ago today, I met my gorgeous inspirational girlfriend. Long story short, we'd decided to make this one special and cancel any other plans. Titanic sat by the wine and snacks, candles placed around the flat whilst Naomi quickly showered. I sat on the sofa in my pyjamas, the blanket up to my chin and the tears rolling down my cheeks effortlessly. Flickering flames casting shadows onto the walls as I stared into space.
I hate that feeling. Needing to tell a loved one your problem, but making up those exaggerated scenarios in your head where it all turns out pear shaped. The scenarios which seem so realistic in your mind, that it stops the sound coming from your voice box just as it's about to be said. I've been trying to tell Naomi for 3 weeks, trying to avoid that special day.
As the lights did that slight brightness change and the shower stopped, a sharp breath caught in my throat. My eyes must've been covered in mascara, as I grabbed the closest thing nearest to me to wipe my eyes. Trying my best to tidy myself up, I somehow managed to knock my wine glass off the side causing red liquid to stain everything in a one metre radius. Carpet meant no broken glass, but cream carpet...
"For fuck sake!" my raspy voice cursed.
I sprinted to the kitchen and grabbed some spray, running out again and nearly pushing Naomi over who was dressed in her Spongebob pyjama top and shorts.
"Sorry." I quickly said, avoiding eye contact as I bent down and attended the red liquid.
"Someones been on the wine already, Jess." a smile found her face as the strong Californian accent filled the room.
As I watched the spray soak into the carpet, I stay still.
A lump grew in my throat.
Naomi knelt down beside me, her gentle hand tucking the loose strand of charcoal hair behind my ear, revealing the panda eyes and red nose from crying. I turned my head, my eyes meeting Naomi's sea green pearls; my lips beginning to quiver.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to." I burst out, lunging forward and tying myself around Naomi before she could question it. I buried my face into her shoulder, not realising the mascara mark I would leave. I felt her warm hand rub my back as I begun to choke on my own tears, my eyes screwed shut as if I was trying to escape this dilemma. Naomi pulled me up to the sofa as she wrapped the blanket around me, ripping tissues from the box to tidy my eyes up. After a few minutes of the silence being interrupted by my sobbing, I had finally calmed down to the extent that I could talk. We sat in candle light, the blanket covering us both as I rest my head on her shoulder. Our fingers locked together and her arm was around my shoulders. Naomi kissed my forehead and I took a deep breath.
"I need to tell you something." my voice slightly breaking half way through. "something that you might not like..."
Naomi looked at me, I couldn't turn back now.
My lungs grew smaller as my heart started racing, my brain confusing my body with all sorts of signals of panic. One thing though, my voice box allowed me to speak.
The expression on Naomi's face made me crumble even more. My vision became even more blurred as the tears built up, my skinny hand racing to cover my mouth before I could do anymore damage. She stood up and walked away, not facing me as she let the news begin to sink in. I don't know if it was fear, anger or confusion in her voice, but I wasn't used to it.
Her head whipped round "How can you be pregnant, Jessie? That means you must have cheated. I thought I could finally trust somebody and then you go sleep around?!"
I stood, too, "Naomi..." my isolated voice tried to jump in.
"No, Jessie!" and there it was. A simple strike across my face with her hand sent silence spinning out of control. Quick breaths and more tears sat me back down as my eyes were planted back on the floor. My cheek begun to burn as Naomi stamped out the room and slammed our bedroom door. I guess those scenarios in my head were precise.
It was exactly 27 minutes after Naomi had walked out, that I heard the click of the bedroom door again. I sat on the edge of the sofa, finishing up the third bottle of wine as fresh tears never ended. The silhouette stood beside me, anger pulsing around it when words started to flow.
"I thought I could trust you."
It felt like a ton of bricks dropped, my eyes refusing to meet hers.
"Please, just let me explain." I pleaded.
Naomi hesitated, then slowly sat opposite me. Before I could say anything, she yanked the wine glass from my hand and placed it behind her, along with the wine bottle.
"Remember that night... When we had that argument about how I was always forgetting our plans?"
Naomi nodded slightly, "Yeah. You went off on a tantrum and came back the next day hungover out of your mind. When I had to clean your guts and puke up off of our bed? Yeah, it's pretty unforgettable."
I sighed softly, remembering that bull in a china shop night.
"Sorry, carry on." the bluntness showing in her voice easily.
"I didn't mean to get plastere-"
"Oh so you just decided to order about twenty shots in one go?"
"Naomi, for fuck sa-"
"I know! You saw this really hot guy who would be a perfect chance to get back at me!" Naomi stood, her eyes beginning to glisten with tears as she screamed "You're a bloody slut, Jessie!"
"I got raped, Naomi!"