Oh my God. Was this it? Was this the moment of truth? My heart was racing and I nearly fell off my bed when my mother unexpectedly knocked on the door.
“Come in,” I said rather hoarsely. Her pretty face peeked through my door, only slightly opened.
“Hey honey, what are you doing?”
“Nothing much. Just my project.” I answered making it sound really boring which it most certainly was not.
“Oh okay. Could I borrow you for a minute?” I sighed. ‘A minute’ always meant half an hour.
“Fine,” I groaned and slowly raised myself from the soft bed. I followed her through the beige carpeted hall with baby blue walls and asked; “What do you need help with?”
“Oh not much, I just wanted to have dinner with you. I’ve just come back from the supermarket, so I thought we could prepare it together?” Her green eyes looked hopeful, so I could do nothing but smile.
“Of course.” We walked down the steps, my mother’s blonde hair swaying from side to side, as it was set up in a pony tail.
Bad timing. The most exciting moment of the fictional/real novel and my mother wants me to cook. Just my luck. After a while of steaming vegetables and frying some salmon, I realized how much I missed her. Eve. My mother, who I loved with all of my being, and still I found myself purposely keeping distance between us. Ever since dad left again I’d been distant. Even before that, as well. I wished I could just welcome her into my mind, so she would understand everything I was feeling. I just didn’t have the energy to tell her. I didn’t even know what I was feeling myself. It was normally nothing that I felt. Just going along. Not happy, not sad.
As I suspected it did not take a minute to cook dinner, but forty-five. When we sat at our table she tried starting up the conversation.
“So… how’s school?”
“It’s good. We have an important project about fairy tales, and it’s actually very interesting.”
“What’s your assignment?” she asked, looking very insightful.
“Snow White. We have to make an analysis and a power point presentation. And I’m almost done with my research I think, so it’s coming along quite well. What about you? Anything new at work?”
“Same old, same old. Although your father’s contract is almost finished.” She had a look in her eyes; as if she wanted to be somewhere else. I knew exactly where she wanted to go. Abu Dhabi. She missed him.
“Yeah, that’s why he went back for a month.” I said harsher than I intended.
“Honey listen. I know it hurts that he’s gone so much, but please don’t blame him. I hate to see you upset, but try and understand that he is the reason we have what we have. Our car, television, big house, everything.”
“Mom, I know you love him, but he is gone a lot more than he should be. Yes we do have a nice house and all that, but love is what I need. I can’t just go on with this, not knowing if he is on our lives or not! I love him, I do, but he makes it so damn hard to contact him!” Anger rose up in me. I had never bared my feelings like that. I didn’t want to lash out at my mom, but these suppressed feelings had just tipped over, onto to her. Tears swelled up in my eyes, and in hers.
“Please listen. I understand completely, but there is nothing I can do about it. If you want to change it, tell him. Now finish your dinner. I can’t deal with this right now.” A strict look came across her face, even though she was almost crying. I quickly swallowed the last pieces of fish and ran up into my room. She had defended him.
And I let it all go, by lying on my bed sobbing. My feelings had finally surfaced.