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Holmes meets his Match

by
XNieko
+ like 8
  • Published:
    8 Apr 12
  • On 5 favourite lists
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Blurb Two men..... A Young Jesse Daniel..... Dr. Watson..... and Sherlock Holmes. He's met his match before but still managed to out do them out, but this time Sherlocks going to be sent down a whole new tunnel of darkness.
Approx 13 minutes to read


Holmes meets his Match

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1. Prologue

I have been living with Holmes for a year or so now and have come to know that he is a man of habit. The main thing is that this man hates is being outsmarted, as I learnt for myself the other day when Holmes met his match.

 

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  • XNiekoI know that it has been quite a while (well actually ages) since I added to this, but do not worry everything will come in time.
    Sadcatexcellent! I've also written a Sherlock Holmes novel recently so i was interested when i found this, i think you've done a really good job of imitating Watsons' voice, i'd be interested to see where it goes - is moriarty making an appearance? He's in mine - couldn't resist it! liked
    XNiekoWhy, thank you, and maybe Moriarty will come or maybe someone else..............
    I would name all the villains in Sherlock Holmes for you but it may take a long time, hahaha.
  • geoffrey stuartWell Interesting story, your writing is in some place quite strange also you tend to repeat your information it only needs to be referred once

    XNiekoYes thank you shall try to fix the repetition and don't worry it will all be explained...
  • totallyhugzInteresting as all good Holmes stories are! You mention the word 'intriguing' many times throughout your piece. I know what you mean when you go along the lines of 'I don't know why but the letter was intriguing' but I can't help wanting to know a little bit more about why Watson thinks it so. Even if he knows Holme's is the master observer, he usually does give a bash at analyzing things, even in his own self-depreciating manner... Really liked it though and will await the next bits!
    XNiekoThank you and yes I think I maybe should cut down on the intriguing's
  • Diego<3I am interestingly curious about such a story It is done well and shall be on upcoming chapters... I hope?
    XNiekoThank you and yes there are many chapters yet to come...
    Diego<3Yippee for curiosity
    XNiekoUmm...Yippee.
    Diego<3YIPPEE :D
  • Rob MarvinRight, interesting. I think there is a lot of scope for development into a good mystery story here. However, corrections:
    1) Lowercase 'i' needs to be capitalised. Please check, it's one of my pet hates.
    2) Second sentence of prologue: end with a full stop instead of ellipses because it a) is more professional and b) just looks nicer
    3) 'as I learned myself' to 'as I learnt for myself' because otherwise it sounds like he learnt about himself... and also the spelling change because it's proper English like that, unless you're American, in which case, leave it.
    4) 'feeling refreshed and energetic ready for any mystery' to 'feeling... energetic, ready...'
    5) 'waiting patiently' to 'patiently waiting' because it makes the sentence read better, don't know why.
    6) 'it was no use for all it read' to 'it was no use, for all it read'
    7) 'been a late riser alongside many other fallacious habits although sometimes' to 'been a late riser, along with many other fallacious habits, although sometimes'. In fact, that whole sentence is too long. Maybe split it up?
    8) When calling Watson/Holmes etc. by name in speech, eg 'What is that Watson?', 'Watson' needs a comma before it, or if 'Watson what is that?', 'Watson' needs a comma after it.
    9) 'I am not too sure I just...' to 'I am not too sure. I just...'. It needs a full stop because that's where you take a breath.
    10) 'said I, 'and by the way...' to 'said I. 'And, by the way,...'
    11) 'singed' to 'signed'
    12) 'nothing else not even a stamp.' to 'Nothing else. Not even a stamp.'
    13) 'if I had just swore at the man.' to 'if I had just sworn at him'. I'm assuming here that 'man' is Holmes, who is the subject of the sentence and therefore should be 'him'
    14) 'reassured' to 'assured'
    15) 'holding it up in the sunlight "no water marked..."' to 'holding it up in the sunlight. (New line) "No water marked..."'
    16) 'touched his hawk like nose "no fingerprints..."' to 'touched his hawk-like nose. "No fingerprints..."' (Same with the "no design on the seal" line and "no scent" line)
    17) Don't capitalise the 'K' on kitchen.
    18) '"when did this envelope arrive?" he said holding it up.' to '"when did this envelope arrive?" He held it up.' You've already said that he said it and then continued with the speech so you don't need 'he said' again.
    19) 'Never seen it before I...' to 'Never seen it before. I...'
    20) '"it may be something important." She said honestly' to '"it might be something important," she said honestly.' May to might because she is talking in the past tense.
    21) 'I heard him disappeared...' to 'I heard him disappear...'
    22) 'nothing out of it's place' to 'nothing out of its place' . No apostrophe needed.
    23) 'he said looking baffled "not even any... outside," he added... "I just do not... they did it," to 'he said looking baffled. "Not even any... outside." He shook his head. "I just do not... they did it."
    24) 'rising from the dining and to join him' something wrong there.
    25) 'they must be very sly for' to either 'they must be very sly, for' or 'they must be so sly that'
    26) 'is wait till' to 'is wait 'til' or 'is wait until'
    I think that's all. Anyway, it seems like a good story, and I would like to see more. I would also advise that you try and imitate Watson's style a little more. I see you have tried, but I feel it's not quite there. Thanks for sharing the story and starting our little forum thing. Good job on that. And I would like some feedback on 'Death and Life' if you don't mind. Thanks.
    XNiekoThank you, I really appreciate this and i will be editing this, thank you greatly once again.
    XNiekoJust needed to ask, for number 7, would it sound better if I took out 'although sometimes he would be out the house even before I was awake'
    XNiekoAnd, I have been reading 'The Hound of the Baskervilles' so I shall use it as a reference to improve imitating Watson's style.
    Many thanks once again.
    Rob MarvinYou're welcome. Good idea for no. 7 and reading of HoB for further info. That's a good one!
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