This story is copyrighted. Please note that I took a long time to write this and I still am. ©
Also note that this book contains: light swearing, general adult content and war/holocaust theme and may not be suitable for everyone so I recommend that if you are in Year 7 or below (age 12 and under) you might want to consider whether or not to read this book.
I clutched the corners of my chest of draws and glared at myself in the mirror angrily. I forced back the urge to smash my fist into the mirror and let out the anger that had been building all of this evening but my mood wasn't helping in the slightest.
"You idiot Taro," I snarled at myself, lacing each word with my own disgust.
I continued to glower at my reflection irately, staring at my unruly appearance brought on by the sleepless nights and now empty beer cans and vodka bottles. My brown hair was in disarray, full of knots and tangles, and my eyes had large black rings around them, making the blue orbs look tired and dull. I continued to glare, hatred for myself boiling in me. Yes I was an idiot. I shouldn't have done it!
"But you did," I whispered, weakness and sadness colouring my eyes darkly.
My self-control waned and I slammed my fist against the wall by the mirror, cracking the plaster work slightly, and sighed heavily, letting my head drop. Bang. Bang. Bang. I bashed my head on the wall, exhaling deeply. I held my head in my hands as my vision span and twirled, reminding me of my dizzy state brought on by my drunken brain.
"Oh great, now you have turned to self-harming! You're not just a murderer; you're a Goth now and guess what? A drinker!" I said sarcastically to myself, allowing a fake scolding expression to animate my features.
I slumped down the wall and grabbed the bottle of vodka from the table as I slid down. I took a large swig of it, the burn barely present now, and stared at my hands. I remembered, rather ominously the play I had been required to take part in when I was at school, Macbeth, and the foreboding lines of Shakespeare's Lady Macbeth sang in my mind; "A little water clears us of this deed."
"Oh the irony!" I cried dramatically, sweeping up my hand to pose as if I were on a stage.
I dropped the bottle and it smashed, showering me with broken glass like confetti. A sharp piece cut the skin on my hand and blood ran from it quickly. I brought it up to my face, examining the dark ruby-red liquid as it coated my hands; just like the night where I had felt the similar feeling of hot wetness on my hands, smelt the strong smell of iron seeping from the wound and seen the red coating my fingers.
Why did I do it?
I loved him. I still did though I killed him. He crushed my heart without a care in the world but I still loved him. I no longer liked him - of course not! But I still loved him and nothing could change that. Only now did I feel the regret, the sadness and the grief. It had been all anger when I first found out then I followed him. The dagger did the job, it did a fine job in fact.
"We could have been perfect," I whispered to myself, tears brushing my cheeks.
My voice had become croaky and raspy due to the burn in the back of my throat and a constant rush of nausea fluttered in my stomach along with the pounding in my head.
I had loved him; loved him more than my world, more than my family, more than I valued my own life, and then he stamped on me. Our relationship had been, or at least seemed, perfect. We had a small flat in a nice area of the city, the approval of our parents and decent jobs.
I brought forward a memory and watched it, playing in my mind like an old film...
Roy smiled at me beautifully and my heart sang as he did so. He placed his fork and knife on the plate and rose. I finished my dinner too, not bothering to savour the last mouthful of homemade stew and gulped down the last of my wine, eager for the attention I knew he would surely give me.
"That was excellent as always Taro," he said lovingly before leaning over and kissing me softly on my lips.
I smiled into his lips and rose, pushing into his embrace and tangling my hands in his hair, kissing him more passionately as if the world might depend on it. His hands tightened around my back and slid down till he lifted me up, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist in response.
Our tongues danced together, his taste making my taste buds tingle with pleasure, and the strong smell of his cologne put me in a relaxed yet joyous mood.
I felt him place me down on the kitchen counter and then he gently pulled away from the kiss. I pouted at his actions, batting my eyelashes in a childish manor, and he chuckled in my ear.
“I love you,” he purred as he rubbed his thumbs in circles on the small of my back.
I let out a moan of pleasure as he massaged me, him being all too aware that I adored having massages on my back. I opened my closing eyes and gazed in to his eyes adoringly.
“I love you more!” I replied teasingly though the emotion at having heard those words made my heart thump hard in my chest.
He laughed again and pressed his forehead against mine, landing a gentle kiss on my waiting lips. I leaned into it, eager to let it deepen but he pulled back again, his eyes sparkling with amusement.
“I don’t think so,” he whispered seductively, a cute smirk playing on his lips.
I smiled and closed my eyes, happy to just lean my head against his and inhale his soothing scent.
I opened my eyes to see Roy smiling at me with his arms wrapped around my torso possessively.
I pulled the white duvet up though I wasn't cold in the slightest and gazed into his beautiful eyes as I ran a hand through his silky dark hair.
"Morning," he said pleasantly, kissing me softly on the lips.
I just smiled and kissed back, feeling so happy that I would have been willing to just skip work as to be with him here in his strong arms.
"Can I ask you something?" he asked.
"You just did," I pointed out.
He chuckled but I nodded, listening happily to the sound of his laughter. His laughter cut short and a more serious expression took over his face. He shuffled almost uncomfortably beside me, biting his lip.
"Taro, um, I was wondering, well, I don't know really..." He stammered.
I frowned at him; he was usually a confident person, a little arrogant even. I pressed my index finger against his lips, making him stop.
"There's no point beating around the bush - spit it out!" I said, trying to sound stern though my voice was soft and love-filled.
He stared straight into my eyes as if he was confirming something to himself. Before I could ask, he spoke.
"Will you marry me Taro?"
I chocked on nothing in surprise and my eyes flew wide open. I stared into his eyes, trying to find the joke or perhaps something else but they were both filled with adoration and hope. My heart sang and my mind reeled. Tears began to spill down my cheeks and I bobbed my head to knock against his hard chest, my cheeks instantly turning red.
"Yes, I will marry you, yes, yes!" I choked out through a thick sob.
He smiled the most fantastic smile and laughed as I cried with joy and I was all too happy to cry! I had never felt such love and joy in my life! I loved him so much, he had to be the one and it had to be Roy.
The memory had been worth gold to me not long ago but seeing it now made my blood boil in rage. He had lead me on again and again!
Everything had been perfect; as soon as Roy asked me to marry him; I was joyous and lively, looking upon the beautiful diamond and ruby ring as if it were the most sacred thing on Earth. Nothing could have made me happier and soon the wedding was arranged to be in three months' time. Reluctant as I was to wait, we decided to wait until after Roy's business trip so as we could have time together easily after the wedding.
Little did I know that Roy was having cold feet. He started going away a lot more and not coming home at night. I, of course, thought nothing of it. I trusted him completely. My love made me blind to his infidelity.
Things changed though when I began to notice...
I walked briskly along the pavement, feeling bouncy and happy as I carried on my way. Roy had told me, promised me in fact, that he would be home tonight and I felt like a child on Christmas Eve. Smiling excitedly to myself, I turned the corner, passing Starbucks as I went. I stopped when something caught my eye, causing two people to almost trip up over me as they swung around me, and soon I found it, or should I say, him; Roy! My heart jumped up happily and I went to the door to go and greet him. I stopped abruptly when I saw an unknown woman join him, kissing him with a smile. I paused, sucking in a breath of surprise. From this angle; I couldn't tell if it had been a kiss on the cheek or on the mouth. I frowned and watched as he turned and hugged the blond happily, smiling pleasantly as he did so.
My heart panged with jealousy and pain; who was this girl and why was Roy so happy to see her?
Maybe a sister I thought as I walked away, not wanting to be seen staring at them. But then again, the girl was blond and Roy had brown curly hair. If not a sister, why not a friend or cousin?
I argued with myself till I came to the conclusion that it was probably just some friend or something but something made me feel uneasy, maybe she was... No I thought, he loves me and I love him and I should never doubt that.
The memory faded away and I sighed.
Naturally, the sight had stirred something and I had to find out the truth. I started monitoring what days he wasn't home and questioning him thoroughly about his travels. He grew annoyed with my pestering and seemed to come home less and less, I couldn't stand it.
Then I followed him. What I saw killed my heart and turned all that love into pure hate.
"I will see you tomorrow Taro," Roy said smiling.
"Yeah I will miss you!" I said sadly though my sadness was for a different reason all together.
He smiled meekly and kissed my cheek before leaving the house. I stared after him and waited a few minutes before grabbing my purse and keys and darting after him.
Soon I was following him from a safe distance along the fairly busy pavement. People passed by me, wrapped in their own thoughts and the loud noise of busy restaurants and pubs filtered through the air, hiding the loud and swift noise of my boots I remained undetected as I followed and soon we came to a more rundown area of town as we entered the suburbs. Roy walked down an alley then up some metal stairs till he stopped and unlocked a door before entering.
I frowned. He was supposed to be going to an out of town meeting tonight and would be spending the night at the Richmond Hotel. He told me he was taking the train there and the train station was at least a half an hour's walk away, he would miss it!
I slipped up the stairs till I came to the door he had jut entered and found a window right next to it. Crouching, I peeked in to see a dark room, suffering badly from damp with only a large mattress in the middle.
I heard noise and ducked, pressing against the wall quietly. I shivered and held back the grunt of complaint when some water soaked into my shirt. There were faint murmurs and one of them was Roy. From what I could tell, he was talking to a girl - the girl in Starbucks? The idea popped into my mind and I immediately dismissed it; how could I be so unloyal?
A faint laughter came to my ears then I heard squeaking. Mattress springs? I thought as I sat there. I waited a while before peeking into the window. What I saw disgusted me. A butt naked girl was lying on top of somebody, licking his chest seductively, laughing every now and then as the man moaned in pleasure. I could taste bile in my throat and I went to leave when I finally saw the man's face. It was Roy.
It was Roy. Roy, my husband to be, the man I loved.
My whole life slapped me in the face and I fell to the floor, shock taking away all my strength. Roy? No he couldn't but it was his face, no it couldn't be but...
"No!" I choked out as my tears blinded me.
It couldn't be him. He wouldn't do that to me, he loved me. But it was him, what was he doing, no it wasn't. No, no, no, no! This couldn't be happening.
My heart screamed as I realized. He was cheating me. I fled down the stairs somehow silently and burst into tears as I ran along the now empty street.
How could he? I love him! I love him! He said he loved me! Why would he do this? I love him!
I tripped and fell, finally curling up into a ball and sobbing harder then I had ever cried before.
"I loved him!" I screamed.
I pounded my fist down on the pavement. I was so confused, so lost. He betrayed me!
"I loved him, I love him, he betrayed me, he told me he loved me!" I sobbed.
The mild drizzle now poured down, soaking me to the bone and freezing my flesh as I lay on the empty pavement.
"I love him!" I sobbed again, pounding my fist down on the pavement again and again till my hands bled.
I lay there, just crying now, shivering so hard that my vision bounced. The rain fell angrily as if it could somehow soak my clothes further but I did not care. My heart was broken and the one I loved so much had broken me.
I laid there for two hours till instinct got me up to avoid the cold and I wandered home, walking slowly for tears and sorrow blinded me.
After that, I changed. I skipped work all together and remained sitting in my room drinking Black Dog. When Roy came home, I refused to see him or let him come and greet me. I stayed locked in my room with several used and unused cans of energy drink, not eating a scrap.
I spent seven days like that and not just my mental self-suffered but also my physical self. I thinned dreadfully, already having been skinny before, and was so tired from being awake with caffeine constantly that I found myself vomiting up the drink into the toilet.
All the love I had had for him turned to hate. I hated him so much. I wanted him to die, die in the most painful way imaginable. I wanted to kill him.
That's how I became a murderer. I went to the flat and drugged the girl into sleep with a cloth covered with chloroform and finally came to do the deed.
I was cruel. I tied his hands and feet and stuffed a cloth in his mouth. I took the fine dagger I had brought and stabbed him twice in the back before engraving a message:
Roy, a betrayer, a player, a liar and a cheater now in your hands God. Send him to hell.
Maybe I did go mental, maybe I still am but I did it. Finally he bled to death and I left the apartment.
It wouldn't take long for the girl to report the murder though she would be out for a while and now I was in my flat drinking away my worries.
"You fool," I said to myself and I nodded.
It had now been eight hours since my murder and the girl should have been awake hours ago.
I took a swig of vodka and turned on the TV going straight to the news. For some reason, something told me to look and I soon understood why.
"A young man by the name of Roy Anderson was found by his fiancé Elizabeth Turner murdered brutally in the early hours of this morning. Miss Turner was drugged by someone from behind her with a chemical covered cloth and woke up to find her fiancé's body. She is currently in hospital with severe shock and lung poisoning. Mr Anderson, a young twenty three year old working for Jackson & Co received two stab wounds in his back and a message scratched under the wounds. The police have not yet confirmed the words of this message but they do say that they have their suspects," the news reporter barked.
He then began a description of Roy's life, upbringing and work but I turned off the TV and sighed.
My DNA would be all over the girl, him and the flat. I was in the police files due to a mix up a year or so back so the police would find me soon. I would suffer for my actions.
It was only nine hours, three or so bottles of alcohol and hundreds of curses later that the bang came at my door. I didn't get up, I was too drunk to bother and they would just come in anyway.
I heard some clattering then two men walked in, pointing rifles around cautiously as they searched for me. They spotted me and swung around their weapons to point straight at me as they called out for someone to come. I didn't bat an eyelash. Then a man in a suit strolled in and flashed me a badge.
"Steve Spayne from the FBI, we have reason to believe that you had something to do with the murder of Roy Anderson and we would like to take you into custody for further questioning," he said formally.
He realised that I wasn't listening and finally lost his patience
"You are under arrest for suspected murder of Roy Anderson," he snapped angrily.
I glared at him and raised my middle finger drunkenly towards him.
"Fuck you," I growled before blackness swept me away.