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Embrace - blurb

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SlenderMan_
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  • Published:
    5 Feb 12
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Blurb This is the blurb to the first book in the paranormal romance series i am currently writing! I am half way through the second book already haha :D Hope you like the sound of it xx
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Embrace - blurb

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1. blurb

 

Different from the others at Sea View College, Eliza works with the clandestine CIA. Her mission is to terminate vampires with extreme prejudice. Though sworn enemies, one vampire demands to protect her from her fiercest nemesis. Aware of the danger, she's enrolled at Craven Hill Boarding School, a school for the gifted, but, despite the best endeavors for her protection, Eliza is constantly under threat. Will her new friends be enough to protect her or will she be forced to take extreme measures to stay alive?

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  • VeritasBTW Have you read Marina Oliver's book 'The beginner's guide to Writing a novel'? I found that book great as it tells you about basic preparations before writing, how to write and how not to write (quite irrelevant for you though) but also it has several chapters dealing with getting your first novel published, how to get an agent and so on. I thinks it's worth reading anyway :)
    SlenderMan_Thank you but no I haven't. But I have read Teach Yourself: Writing a Novel haha!
    What parts do you think I should cut out of the blurb? Any suggestions? And how can I make it flow without the parts that I've axed
  • VeritasI bet the real book is way more catchy than this blurb Jodie! The first sentence is good: "Eliza knows she's different from the other girls at sea view college." - OK, so what's so different about her we ask. Good. Then the rambling starts: " Working with CIA, Hunting vampire,s bring back their fangs, She meets alex, she needs protection, she's sent to craven hill, and so on and so forth. The effect of this is that I, the reader, looses interest word for word because you're practically answering every question that arose in my head from the first sentence. I put the book back in the shelf because I have already read most of the book from the blurb. All along the reader has the question in his or her head: "Should I buy this book?" If you tell them all the key plots on the blurb why should they.
    Now, I haven't read the story but here's my attempt on writing a blurb:

    Eliza knows she's different from the other girls at sea view college. She's hunting vampires for the CIA. Even though vampires are sworn enemies of hers, one of them insists on protecting her from a dark and evil entity, lurking in the shadows. An evil more frightening to the vampires than Eliza. Eliza will soon be facing all her fears and be forced to make tough decisions in the battle against the ultimate evil.....

    Short and precise, raises questions without answering them and doesn't ramble on. You are free to agree/disagree but this is my opinion. And of course I want this blurb to make a best seller, which is why I go hard on you :P
    SlenderMan_Well hello there, I see what you mean but I like the dramatic sentences I've used and the fact that I've mentioned the stone and Brandon. I can't strip it all out, otherwise it will sound boring. I agree because I hate writing blurbs, you won't believe me if I told you that I have edited this blurb over 50 times. I find it difficult to cut down blurbs. The blurb for my second book in this series is a lot better than this one. It goes like this: The last three months haven’t exactly been easy for Eliza; her boyfriend has been sentenced for treason. And on top of that, Morley is getting stronger; he is hording psychotic vampires and has obtained a ‘secret weapon’ that is crippling Eliza little by little. The only person she can rely on is Sam. However Eliza is beginning to question whether their friendship is strong enough to endure what Morley has planned...

    So you can see my dilemma, I don't know how to keep the blurb for the first book short and intriguing. I know the blurb is very long but how do I cut it down without cutting out my favourite bits? The blurb for the second book, in my eyes, is okay. I like it and it's short! So, I need your help cutting down this blurb. :D
    VeritasWell I square my shoulders and stand my ground; Your blurb is blabbery haha :P You need to kill you darlings and describe the content of the book more general and shallow. Like you have for the 2nd book which has a great blurb. It's short, precise and not giving all the good things away, but still creating curiosity. My example is looking a lot like the one you have for the 2nd book, I really think you should consider narrowing it down to something like that. The reader is poor in judgement don't give them the opportunity to judge your story on beforehand. Cut out the stuff that can be misjudged (the babbeling details part) and leave the reader with unanswered questions.
    SlenderMan_Okay, I am forced to agree with you. Can you tell me which parts are blabbery and need to cut out because you're the reader, you know what's too much? :D
  • EmmizzaWow!! Would love to read the real book!!! Sounds great!!:D
  • shangeeprincessWOW can't wait 2 read it as always:)<3
    u can maybe add a bit of romance into it and describe the life she had before the CIA and then move on to wiv the CIA so we can see the massive impact the CIA had wiv her.
    SlenderMan_thank you!! I have finished that one and half way through the second book haa!!<33
    She has been in the CIA for the majority of her life because her gaudian Tom, is quite important on the CIA 'ladder' :D x
  • inkpencil...;)i just read your conversation with Erling. If you are looking to get published, you might want to check out some industry blogs which will give you more information. They tell you about getting an agent (which you never mentioned -- be careful, a lot of publishers won't take you seriously if you don't have an agent. Plus, you'd probably need an agent to handle all the complicated things like negotiating contracts and stuff.) They also give other information like stats for getting an agent, how long it takes to get published e.t.c and writing tips and stuff. Most bloggers are based in America but most of the process is the same. ;)
    Erling Siegfried"[Do] [...] more research" - good advice there ;).

    -Erling
    SlenderMan_That page you posted is blocked :/ and doesn't it cost to have an agent? I am nearly 16 after all, not the queen of Sheba haha :)
    inkpencil...;)That's odd.... Okay, go onto google, type in Nathan Bransford and you'll end up on his blog. If you scroll down, on the right there will be a search box. Type in "What do literary agents do?" and it'll come up as a link.

    No respectable agent charges you -- they'll take 10 -15% of whatever you earn (but they're worth it.) If an agent says they're charging you, you know they are scam. There are a lot of people who prey on writers.
    SlenderMan_Hmmm...I don't know :/
    I think it would be safer to do it solo :P.
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