Do I really have to see them all again?

Summervacation is soon over and I have no idea what I should feel about this

I'm so used to being alone by now, that just the though of leaving the house is annoying...

I mean.. Ofc I have beeing hanging out with some few friends, but not any from my class... 

I have been hanging out with my friend Mikkel the most (he is from my old elementary school). Then also a one night stand came to visit and some stuff happen... He will also be visiting tomorrow, but I said I don't want any sexual stuff to happen.. (Because he was really bad at it and there's no chemistry​ between us). Then I have also been to some different parties... But else nothing

The last party I was at was fun but in the end... not that good... I should sleep next to my cousin's two friends and the two started having sex right next to me.. And it was really loud and I was just laying there!! They though I was sleeping -.-

And why didn't I leave? Because I was just so surprised that I totally freezed next to them! I didn't touch a muscle for 1 hour!!

It was scary... And I didn't sleep that night.. I started to read Harry Potter 1, drunk and tired XD

Not many days after the party, the guy, I heard having sex, invited me to his 21 year old birthday, the only problem is it is in a other part of the country and I don't have enough money for the travel.... I hope I can find a way to get to the birthday

 

I will start school again next week and I haven't talked with anyone from my class... I did talk with someone from my school and I wish I was in their class... I don't know what I should expect from my last year in high school... My last year... Then I will be somewhere else... I don't feel ready for that... I don't feel like I'm ready to that at all... The only thing I start to feel is that I don't have any friends... I have no one I will ever could share this kind of stuff with! I would love to show someone my site here! But... I don't trust anyone to see this... Everytime I try to share myself, me as a person, with someone they just turn around and I never see them again... Why do people leave me? Am I really that horrible?

 

I just hope I can find atleast a friend to share some stuff with.. I like being alone but Specially after my best friend moved I feel like I miss something... He is not the type who chat.. So I miss talking with him and sharing some stuff in my life.. I want someone I can share everything with... Sometimes I take a picture/snap and thinks "I have to send this to... Nobody..." And then delete it.. Because I don't have someone to send it too... No one who actually cares about what I sends...

 

I meet a lot of new people on Twitch these days. (Twitch is a site where people can stream the games they are playing live). I play with many different people but I have found this stream called CartoonMenGaming and they are so funny :) I really enjoy watching them and I am their no. 1 fangirl :D I have a small crush on one of the guys streaming (They are 4 boys streaming on the channel) and I just got his personally snapchat!! I'm so happy about that :) But I don't have any hope for he likes me back... Specially because I showed my gamergirlfriend them and now she have all their private snapchats and she is talking to all of them and they seem to like her more than me... But I'm still their fangirl no. 1 :) That's what they call me <3

 

Go check CartoonMenGaming out if you would like to know more about them! :) 

https://www.twitch.tv/cartoonmengaming

 

See ya all soon! 

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