Contradiction

by , Tuesday July 4, 2017

Contradiction

I have no clue who I am.

I would say, "My existence is a contradiction," but that probably sounds too edgy and no one would understand it. It's super vague. It doesn't make sense. I don't make sense. There's a lot of things about me that just doesn't make sense. My entire personality just feels like one giant contradiction. I can never find the right words when someone requests from me, "So, tell me about yourself." ...Where do I begin? What am I supposed to describe? How am I supposed to tell them that I don't even know myself that well? I can't pinpoint a certain personality type. I can be sweet and caring, but also a stone-cold and selfish bitch. I'm narcissistic and full of myself, yet awkward and insecure at the same time. Sometimes I think I'm a princess, other times I think I'm the scum of the earth. Everything about me feels like opposites. There's never an in-between for me. Everything about me....contradicts itself. "That sounds like hypocrisy." It does. Hypocrites usually do it on purpose, though. Right? They're trying to be dicks. Some of them, at least. I'm not always trying. I'm a contradiction by nature. I will always be one thing, but also the exact opposite at the same time. Sometimes I feel like I'm not just one person... Like there's two sides of me. There's the kind and gentle one, and then the one who strives for destruction. There is never something in-between. Depending on the moment, or whichever my brain decides on, I am either one...or the other. Or both simultaneously. Do I have MPD? Do I not know who I am because I'm both? Are there two personalities living inside me, both with the same name? ...Is that bad? Am I overthinking this? I feel like this all the time... I need to see a psychiatrist...

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