I want to move on

by , Thursday June 8, 2017
 I want to move on

How long will it take?

I feel like it has been ages... I want to find someone new! Even one night stands or flirts are getting boring...

Now it sounds like I'm easy XD But I'm just looking. I want to find a new boyfriend. Not that I'm desperate.. But I want to find someone I like and I have a lot incommon with!

I have been with some guys since my ex. But I have been drunk and when I get sober, I see I'm not really that interessed in them..

I have started this kind of game when I'm at parties. I will find a "target", a boy I kinda like and then I will "hunt" him down. With this I mean I will kiss or go even longer than that with the guy. The problem with this is.. You never contact each other afterwards.. And that is want I'm looking after.. So it's kinda stupid of me... But I can't stop being happy when I have hunted someone down!

 

My biggest problem is not to find a boy there want to be with me... But to find one I actually also like... I had 2 friends over a night and I invited a boy I had met at a party and afterwards had been chatting with (didn't do anything with him at the party). But the second I met him at the station I knew I just made a mistake... I know you shouldn't judget people on their looks... But it's important to be attract​ed to the person.. And I wasn't.. He was at my place from 1am-6am... My friends left at 2am.. So that means I had 4 hours with this guy... Around 4-5am I didn't want to have him in my house anymore... I did give him a chance to make a move on me if he wanted to! But he didn't do anything! Like I slept with my head on his shoulder. He tried to take my hand but failed... So I had to take his hand.. I could hear how his heart was pound​ing fast! The problem was.. Mine wasn't... As I sat there with my head on his shoulder and holding his hand I just suddenly knew I didn't like him like this! So I tried to say stuff like "Where do you want to sleep?" But he answered that he wanted to sleep at home... So after over an hour trying to get him out of the house, he finally left.

It was a little sad the next day, because he was a sweet guy. But the 4 hours I talked with him I just slowly started to see we wanted different things and as said.. I wasn't attracted to him... We had a streak on snapchat, but that died the next day.. I haven't talked with him since.. I hope I didn't hurt him..

 

I hope I can meet someone I like at the next party I'm going to..

But there is some good things about not having a boyfriend like..

I have more money!

I'm always ready to hang out with friends!

I have more time to play videogames!

I can wear just the clothes I want to!

I don't have to be nice to a family I don't like!

And so on. I'm free and I enjoy it the most of the time by now! But still.. Sometimes I get so depressed because I don't have anyone to share stuff with... Sometimes I take a snap of something I find really funny and then I go to who I should send it to... I have no one to send it to.. I have my friends ofc.. But I have learned that I can't trust them. Therefor I don't share that much with them.. But I'm a pretty open person so I talk about sex and familyproblems without even giving it a though, but my deep secrets.. I don't think anyone will ever know me fully out. That makes me kinda sad to think of... I really want to have someone to share my secrets with.. But only someone I can trust!

 

Well that was all for now. See ya in next blog!

 

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