by , Sunday July 30, 2017

Dealing with Anxiety


So yeah, I mostly talk about books, but today, I'm talking about anxiety :))


If you've read a previous blog of mine (one about THG), you'll know I have social anixiety. I was about 14 when I found out, and to be quite honest; it explained a lot. I had had so many anxiety attacks, thinking I was being crazy or something. I had gone to camps, and starting panicking, thinking I was homesick, and I had talked to plenty of adults, but nothing helped because noone knew what was "wrong" with me. I don't know how many times, I've spent crying, not knowing what I was even crying about. So basically: it was the worst. 


I learned about my anxiety on social medias; I scrolled through posts about having social anxiety, and I realised how much I related to the stuff, they were talking about, and eventually got a doctor apointment. The doctor agreed with me on my own diagnosing, and suggested a psychologist. To begin with, I didn't wanna go, because A) It was a little expensive, and I didn't wanna burden my parents. And B) because I wasn't comfortable with sharing my thoughts and feelings with a complete stranger. But eventually I agreed (to please my mom, I suppose), and ironically got anxiety by the thought of going to this psychologist.


The first time, I was shy and didn't share that much. I avoided eye contact and mumbled, but eventually I opened up, and the woman helped me. I didn't go that many times, mostly because it actually got better. Which was surprising and very great. 


Unfortunately it didn't last more than about 3-4 months, when I started having musical as an elective subject at school. There were some guys, (who were about a year younger than me,) in the same class as me, and I have no idea why, but they triggered my anxiety. They were quite loud, and bothered me a lot (not on purpose, they just didn't know about my anxiety, and I didn't know how to tell them, to be honest.) Our teacher wanted us to do a lot of stuff, I wasn't comfortable with, so eventually my friend (who also has anxiety) told him about our anxiety, so he'd know if something was wrong. Fortunately my panic attacks are not that bad, meaning I can have normal conversations with people, while having a panic attack (except if it's one of the rare, horrible ones, that I've only had a few times, then I can barely breathe), but my friend had to run out of the room at some point, because of an anxiety attack. 


Shortly after that, I told a few of the people in the class, including two of the guys, that triggered my anxiety the most, that I have social anxiety, and just after I did that, I regretted it; the guys were like "what even is that?" And one of the even asked "Does that mean you're afraid of touching other people?" Which was to be honest incredibly annoying. The entire week afterwards, I had even more anxiety, because "What if they think I'm some weak weird freak now?" And I was so embarrassed by it. I kept telling myself "You're still the same person, just because they know, doesn't mean you've changed!", but my anxiety took over and said "They all hate you now, they'll never talk to you again, and soon everyone will know, and you'll lose all your friends" It was ridiculous how much control it had over me.

It took about a week for me to realise what I had been telling my anxiety "Nothing has changed; they just know now". 

Soon enough, the musical was over, and my anxiety almost back to gone. This was until my classmates (who I'm very close with) starting hanging out with the guys that triggered my anxiety. I had two choices: 1: deal with it, and hangout with them anyway or 2: don't hang out with either. 

To begin with, I chose the second; if they showed up, I rolled my eyes and walked away, but eventually I tried staying, and trying to control my anxiety. I'll admit; once in a while they still trigger my anxiety, but it's much better now. 


A little advice, if you're stuggling with anxiety yourself:

1. Find out what triggers your anxiety, so you can avoid it, or tell yourself, that it's not as bad as it may seem. Some people don't have a trigger, but if you can find yours, it's great (mine are for example if I know, I can't get away (for example in class))

2. Find something that helps you calm down (for me, it's water and fresh air, mostly, sometimes talking about something else, but with who ever I'm talking to, being aware of the anixety attack)

3. Don't push yourself too hard, but also

4. Don't let your anxiety control you. You need to protect yourself, but if your anxiety stops you from going places, then you've gone too far. Be carefull, but let yourself live, too

5. I've read about a thing called 'grounding' , where your meant to find 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste. Depending on what kind of anxiety attack I'm having, I mostly find it usefull, so try!

6. Tell someone about it! It's not good to carry this around alone. It doesn't matter if it's a parent, a teacher, a friend or someone else; just let someone, you trust, know. You might not think they care, but trust me; someone does care about you.

7. If necessary; get help. I suggest a psychologist, but maybe just talking to a friend/teacher/parent once in while, can help, too


I hope you enjoyed reading this blog (let me know, if you'd like me to do something like this again), I guess the point of this is: you're not alone, you're not the only one going through this, there are others like you out there.

I hope you have(/have had) a good day. :)



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