Depression

by , Tuesday January 17, 2017
3 Likes

This is a more serious topic than things I've written about before.

​Don't worry, my parents know about this.

 

Okay guys. So, there are three people on here who actually know me in person. @Ravenpuff427, @awesome potterhead, and @Willow Tonks. So, for you three, don't judge me. For the rest of you, still don't judge me, but I don't actually know you, so, it's not quite the same as if those three judge me.

I can't give you my real name, so I'll just go by Brooke.

My name is Brooke. I'm 13 years old, and I live in the United States. I have a kind family, good friends, we're financially stable, I go to a good school. And yet, something's wrong in my life.

I've been depressed. It started in sixth grade. In April of 2016, I started cutting myself. I thought, if I cut on my wrists, people will find it easier. So, I cut on my shoulders instead. I thought nobody would see them there. But, it was getting warm, and in June, my mom was having me try on a swimsuit, and she saw them.

Okay, I just realized I need to backtrack. You probably want to know why I was depressed.

In third grade, I met this girl. For the sake of anonmity, I'll call her Ashlyn. We became really good friends. And in the fourth grade, we met someone new, who I'll call Melany. For a while, we were the best of friends.

Then, at the beginning of sixth grade, someone new entered our school. I'll call her Emma. Emma and I had been good friends in second grade, before I moved schools.

Naturally, Emma and I wanted to catch up, and we became really good friends again. But then it all went wrong.

I was cleaning my room one day when my mom came in. She said she needed to talk to me. She said that Ashlyn had told her mom that Emma was bullying her. According to Ashlyn, Emma had told her outright that she didn't want to be friends. I was surprised that Emma would do this, and a little hurt that Ashlyn hadn't told me.

Melany, Ashlyn, and Emma were all together in one class, while I was in the other, so I only saw them during lunch. Therefore, it was perfectly plausible that what Ashlyn said was true. A few days later, I told Ashlyn what my mom had told me. She confirmed it. The next day, during lunch, I confronted Emma about it. She denied it.

We ended up fighting, and after Christmas, Emma never came back. She had switched schools.

I thought that everything was fine now. Ashlyn, Melany and I could go back to being friends. But something was different. I started distancing myself from them, and I wanted to know why Emma had left.

I started talking to Emma through email. We became friends again. But Ashlyn was changing.

I'll admit, I'm a pretty paranoid person. I don't tell people things, I'm afraid of everything, and I've got some trust issues. But one day, while Ashlyn and her brother were at my house for their piano lessons, (my mom teaches piano,) Ashlyn and I went out to the park near my house. Now, I'm terrified of bugs. And while we were at the park, these gigantic flies were everywhere we went. And Ashlyn and I both kept getting the feeling that someone was watching us.

I told Ashlyn I needed the bathroom so we could go home. After I came out of the bathroom, I told Ashlyn I didn't want to go back to the park. She told me her mom had said she wasn't allowed to go anywhere except the park. She wasn't allowed in my room, she wasn't allowed in the backyard. I thought this was a little weird, since that had never happened before. But after Ashlyn called be a scaredy cat, I finally relented and went to the park.

Later, I told my mom what Ashlyn had told me about not being allowed to go anywhere. My mom had some things she was worried about that Ashlyn had told her, so she called her mom and asked. Turns out, Ashlyn had lied to both me and my mom.

At school the next day, I asked Ashlyn why she had told me those things, and she just kept building the lie.

After that, things just got worse. Ashlyn started bossing me around, I was the brunt of Ashlyn's jokes, she called me names, she spread rumors about me. I withdrew even more. I spent recess under a tree with a book. Apparently, Ashlyn and Melany didn't need me. At the beginning of seventh grade, a new girl joined our school. I'll call her Raylinn. Ashyn and Melany became good friends with her, and I was forgotten.

In October of 2016, I switched schools. I had started seeing a counsellor in August, and I continued to go. It was, in fact, her idea for me to switch schools. However, I was still depressed. I spent more and more time in my room. I cried almost ever night. But nobody knew, not even the counsellor, because I find it really hard to tell people these things.

Emma helped me through most of it. She became a really good friend of mine. We haven't seen each other in person, but we keep in contact through email. When I was feeling my worst, she helped me with it.

But things kept getting worse. I started thinking about suicide. I kept seeing the counsellor, and I finally opened up to her, and my parents. I got better help, and things have gotten better.

I still feel depressed sometimes, but it's a lot better. I'm glad I told someone, and got help. If I hadn't, I might not be here.

 

If you're feeling depressed or suicidal, please tell someone. Get help. Your life is so precious, and you have so much to live for. If you know someone who is depressed, suicidal, or harming themselves, tell someone.

Everyone on this earth has so much to live for. Even if you think nobody cares, remember that at least someone does. There will always be someone who will miss you. It will get better.

 

I just hope you all can appreciate how difficult it was for me to post this. Until now, the counsellor and my parents were the only ones who knew. Even Emma, who I told almost everything, doesn't know about this. Although, she might now, since she's on this website. I'm a very private person, so I don't tell people things. People don't know very much about me. So please, don't judge me. Especially the three I listed at the top who know me. And thanks for your time.

 

Again, your life is so precious. You have so much to live for. You are here for a reason. Don't throw away your life. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Thanks for reading. 

 

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