He really wasn't worth anything

I really know it by now

Sometimes... People aren't worth it.

F*ck I love him. I'm starting to hate myself for it. He is an asshole. Nothing more, just an asshole.

So for the people whom have read my previous​ blogs knows what have been going on a little.

For the new ones here's a summary:

I broke up with my bf 3 weeks ago. We deside to be really good friends, because we have been together for 1,5 years, and it would be stupid just to stop being friends, when we can help each other. But one thing let to another and we ended out being friends with benefits...

 

So that's kinda it. But the newest thing is... My ex texted me saying he didn't wanted to be friends with benefits, coz he though it was kinda weird. I was kinda surprised, but accepted it. I then asked what he wanted as friends, and he ended out saying he didn't wanted to be friends. Only if other people were around.

So why is this such a surprise? I'm sure you guys know it's kinda rare people breaks up and become good friends..

But.. My ex and me had been texting and snapchatting so much after we broke up, that we had a snapchat streak on 15 days, we were each others best friends on snapchat and so on.

And it was not just me sending snaps! He sended snaps and texted me too.

But suddenly a day ago around 2 am.. He texted me. I was really surprised. That it was over with being friends.

But right now.. I'm just mad at him... I have never been really mad at him, not even when we were together. But I am now. He have been treat​ing me like trash for a month now... I'm sick of falling asleep crying... So sick of it...

I'm also mad at myself for letting him get the power of making me sad, when he clearly can't handle the power.

I'm so mad and disappoint​ed...

We broke up once before.. But I got together with him again.. He said he wouldn't hurt me like that again... I don't trust people this way very fast... But after some months I began to trust him again. I shouldn't. Really... He did it again... I hate myself for trusting him again...

I even asked him how he could treat someone he knows loves him this much, like this. He just answered he was an asshole and he didn't ask for this ability​ to be an asshole.

Now I'm just thinking... Asshole is not an ability​, it's a choice.

He chose to not break up with me and just be cold toward me for 2 weeks.

He then chose to be friends with me, making me happy as a friend.

He chose it was fine being friends with benefits.

He said he would never break up with him and I should trust him. I did.

He said I could trust him again being his gf again. I did.

He then said I could trust him as a friend. I did.

He said I could count on him as a frind with benefits. I did.

He chose to hurt me again, by breaking my trust, over and over again.

My mistake was I trusted him. I was my mistake all along.

 

It's soon new year.

The plan was to go to "Jylland". Over to visit me and my ex's best friend, together. But after the conversation​ with my ex... I texted my best friend... Saying I wasn't sure about coming anyway, because I didn't wanted to see my ex anymore. So we did a lot of talking, and my best friend contacted my ex to see what was happening... And it ended out with me getting the chance to being cold against my ex. I really enjoyed it.. :P (My ex texted me to hear if I wanted to go or not)

So the plan is now, that I'm going to celebrate New Year in "Jylland" with my best friend, without my ex. He said I should go without him and he would just find another party which I just replied "ok" to. Aaaaannd I know that's a normal answer for many people! But I hate short answers like "K" and "ok" and always told my ex never to chat me that. I only use that when I'm mad. Sooo for me it was a big deal, and my ex knows I don't chat ok, so he knows I'm mad. I want him to know that.

 

So.. Now.. I will be celebrating my new year crying over some stupid boy... Not because he isn't my bf... But because he was a friend, that suddenly left.. A friend I cared so much about... A friend I trusted and loved.. But in the end... He wasn't worth anything..

 

Byebye everyone!

Please leave a comment if you have anything to say or maybe some ideas that will help me through all this!

 

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