by , Wednesday December 14, 2016
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From the head


Laid here alone with my thoughts isn't that good. In between the waves of nausea that make me unable to even look at the phone at times I sit and think. The festered corners of my mind break down the barricades and have full scope running around the shattered arena. It's not a pretty sight to be honest, all those feelings of inadequacies  that I thought were long gone resurfacing. In my head though I see this female warrior, black hair streaming down her shoulders bravely fighting the thoughts back, her scimitar glistening in the light. It may be a dream or the drugs which keep the pain at bay but it seems so real at times. I can't help her through her own trauma though, can't support her like I want to. The mind goes into turmoil and the words don't come out right. I want to tell her I'm there for her, that I'll fight her demons, I feel selfish stuck in my own thoughts, stewing and bubbling in my own juices but I want to help. Nights are long and prone to the shadows that once were kept at bay. I try to think of the good times ahead, try to be positive about the future but the mind sometimes fails and crumbles down. The difference from last year is that I want to get better, want to live life as planned.

The awful plight of the innocents caught up in the civil war in Syria is heartbreaking. Whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation we need compassion this year for them more than ever. They are starving, living in bombed out houses, freezing from lack of warmth. Let's remember the ones this Christmas that are spending the day struggling to exist in the world. Millions of refugees will spend the festive season in camps, freezing cold. I feel so sad for them, it puts my problems into sharp focus. They have struggled to escape persecution in their home lands, only to be left unloved by those in their adoptive countries. As human beings supposedly intelligent caring people, we should show humanity to these forgotten people.

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