by , Monday October 24, 2016

We are not born hating, so why do we ?

I wasn't around when the awful loss of life in Paris on the 15th November. I didn't find out about it until the new year. Another senseless act that brought misery and suffering to others, brought fear to the lives of many people. After my 'two months sabbatical' to the world I caught up on these devastating attacks wreaked on humans by their fellow humans. You read about the governments who immediately issue strong statements about retaliations and a clamp down on extremism. You read of people hating muslims and foreigners as if they are all tarred with the same brush but you never really hear much from those who have to actually come to terms with the loss of someone close. Then I came across the video above and my life changed.

I'd always been someone who professed that things didn't affect me. However deep down you start to hate those that take away bits of your world. Sometimes it's a toy someone breaks as child. That kid who delights in making your life a misery at school, the one you secretly plan to harm. Then there are those who make fun of you. The ones who turn their back on helping you that you detest. In life we quickly build up from childhood a list of people who are alien to us. Ones who we would wish harm to. But why do we do this ? Why are we often taught that those that harm us are not worth anything? Why do we use the world hate so much and so liberally?

It's hatred that causes so much heartache in the world. That angry person who irrationally murdered Jo Cox and made her children motherless, countries who bomb others causing innocent people to lose their lives. All done in the name of hate.

Last year I had a lot of hate inside me. Hate about people, hate about my health, hate for myself. It was a difficult time and it took it's strain on both myself and my beliefs. I squirreled away a lot of hate inside me which wasn't good for myself or anyone close for me. I was brought up to not hate and honestly I tried, I really did. Tried never to blame anyone but myself for those who turned against me or cast me aside but it ate away in my mind and turned relationships sour.

I came across the video above in January and I literally wept for an hour. here was a man who had lost the love of his life. She had gone out one night and never come home leaving him with a small child to bring up. You would expect him to be bitter about his life, expect him to blame those who took his wife from him but he wasn't. He said that he didn't hate. Here was a rational person who knew that hating did no good. What bullies and terrorists alike want is the sense of satisfaction that they have ruined a life. To have hate for what they do is their sense that they have successfully caused their required effect. Here was a man who was denying those who killed his wife the satisfaction that they had hit the mark. Then at the end he says that they will not have his son's hate as well, an emotional plea.

I started a long process at that moment to rethink everything about my life. The bits that I hid away from prying eyes. The secret hatred I had for various people. Those who had left me voluntarily like girlfriends, those who left me through no fault of their own like my dad. I always tried not to hate the things that caused me harm, like break ups, leukemia, cancer but I guess I was trying to fool myself that I was OK. Here was a man who had lost the one who was close to him but he wasn't going to hate. This man was an inspiration to me. Maybe if I hated less inside then I could be happier. It's now ten months down the line and lots of things have happened in the world that should have made me hate. I don't though. I feel sadness yes, but not hate.

Today I read that the man in the video has written a book about his last year. I have it ordered to read. However the extracts I have read are so emotionally charged that I can't read it just yet. However his inspiration should be before us and hopefully the more who read his words will stop this circle of hatred that exists in our world. You see without hate we have love and with love we can have peace. Old fashioned ideas that should be at the forefront of our life.

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