Scandal! Harry Potter's Daily Prophet Interview between Rita Skeeter & Graham Montague
a satirical blog by Omissa
10th June, 1996
The Weasley twins rocked the very foundations of Hogwarts earlier this year by breaking a multitude of school rules and laws. From selling illegal products to vandalising school property – even intending to commit murder – are our redheaded favourites darker than we suspected?
Rita Skeeter recently had the pleasure of talking to none other than fellow Hogwarts student, Graham Montague, to give The Daily Prophet the scoop on these devilish twins.
Graham, – May I call you Graham? What were the twins like at Hogwarts?
Awful students, they were, Rita. They were bullies at the least, and would go out of their way to make other students’ lives difficult. They also had no respect for any of the professors and disobeyed them at every turn.
Where do you think the boys are headed now that they’ve left school?
I don’t think they’ve got a very bright future. They could have had one if they’d stayed at Hogwarts. Professor Umbridge is doing an excellent job of running the school and could have transformed them into fine young men if they’d given her the chance. They won’t survive one moment out in the real world and it’s just a matter of time before they come back with their heads bowed and arms finally loaded with books.
Do you know the boys outside of Hogwarts?
Of course not! It was trouble enough just going to the same school as them. Personally I feel sorry for their family. It must be such a shame to have two burdens weighing down the family. I mean, they’ve left school! How do they expect to get proper jobs?
You mentioned before that they were disrespectful and bullied students. Could you recall some of their mischievous behaviour for us?
Unsolicited sweets were the boys’ specialty. Huh, I don’t even think you could call it a specialty. The sweets went awry most of the time, causing harm to students. They had these Skiving Snack Boxes that made students ill so they could skip classes. I even heard that they tested their products on unsuspecting first years. First years, can you imagine? They’re bloody lucky their antidotes worked! I’m sure one of their Nosebleed Nougats could have made anyone bleed so much they could pass out! Or worse... Not to mention the professors! The poor professors didn’t know how to react to the sudden increase in illnesses.
And don’t even get me started on the destruction they caused at Hogwarts. Did you know that there’s a swamp in the corridors? It’s impossible to remove! They won’t even come back to school to get rid of it. These boys have no respect, let me tell you.
Did you ever have any personal encounters with them?
Ugh, did I ever. Not only did these boys put other students’ lives at risk and their futures in jeopardy, but they also tried to kill me too. I was just doing my duty, trying to take house points from the twins for misbehaving when they shoved me into the vanishing cabinet! It was disorientating to say the least, and I was forced to Apparate out. I tell you, I was lucky enough that I didn’t get splinched! I was on medication for weeks afterwards and Mother and Father were furious. Fred and George aren’t as honourable as people like to think.
Well there you have it: the juicy, dark side of the loveable Weasley twins has been exposed. From putting first years in harm’s way to attempting to execute a murder, it seems this dynamic duo have a more sinister side than we are willing to believe. The Daily Prophet would like to thank Graham Montague for talking to us and for bringing to light the dangers of the real Fred and George.
What do you think? Please write to Rita Skeeter and give her your thoughts :)